Cause Essay Complete

"There is a real sense of purpose out here, I mean this may sound strange, feels a little weird writing it down but when those Helo’s take off, or when an F-16 screams through the runway I am filled with a sense of honor… I feel justified in what we do out here. When they take-off from home guard it’s not the same, you know the birds are going out to get some quals done and they will be back in an hour or so… I saw a little girl the other week playing in a dingy dirt hole filled with water the other day, out there with her friends, she couldn’t have been a day older then Livi, running around naked playing in this water hole I would not let a dog drink from, and they all were having the time of there life… I realized then that we are not out here just because its our job, not just for America but its for them as well…I mean don’t get me wrong some of those same people out there don’t want us here; mortar and rocket attacks are proof of that. Like I told Beck I am sure I brush my teeth a few 100 yards from someone who is probably launching those attacks on us. However after those pilots go out and do what they do I feel great, what they do, I helped with I was a part of that. I love my family, I would love to be with them all, and as I think about that little girl I don’t want this to happen there so if I have to come out here, away from my family to help out, to make sure it doesn’t happen there to… then yes I will go, I will help anyway I can….”  

  The above is an excerpt from an email our son sent us during his first deployment to Balad, Iraq in Oct 2005. The part of the email you don't see is the heart felt cry of a momma begging her son to reconsider a second tour. How did my son, my only son, end up in the middle of a war zone? I remember thinking doesn't he realize he has a wife and daughter here in the States that love him? Shouldn't his sense of duty be to them first? 

   I felt it was mostly my fault he was even in the Navy to begin with. After he graduated high school in June 1999, he prepared to enter college in September. He enrolled at EMCC and wanted to learn computer aid drafting. We agreed that he needed to be in school, however, we did not agree that he needed to live on campus. I knew my son did not like studying, and I worried about him applying himself. The agreement was made for one semester away from home, which was about 20 miles. Along about the middle of December, he came home from college. He hadn't taken his finals, he admitted he partied his entire semester away and had been asked to leave. What are your intentions was the question of the hour. I remember he really just wanted to stay put at home and figure something out. I also remember that was not the answer I was looking for. He did say first, maybe I will go into the service. Without a moments notice I said, "Great, I've always liked the uniforms the Navy has and I have that picture from your first Christmas in the little sailor suit!" At the time I was working with a lady who's husband was a recruiter for the Navy and my son asked me to get in touch with him to "set something up". He was sworn in on December 31 1999, he was nicknamed the Millennium Man, as he was the last person from the State of Maine to be inducted into the service in that Millennium. My boy, it would seem, was going to become a man in a matter of weeks. His departure date for basic training was February 4 2000.

   The day arrived, February 4 2000, it was that kind of weather that was cold, dreary, and uncomfortable. To this day, the weather couldn't have been any more perfect for the mood set in our home as our son prepared himself to say good-bye. You see, we were more than mother and son, we were a team, we had grown up together in a lot of aspects. Not to say that he raised me, he respects me far too much for any behavior like that, but through him I was able to raise myself to a level of maturity while raising him. My son has always been very humorous, I believe he comes by it naturally. However, that day, neither of us were able to cut through the thick atmosphere in our home. We knew, for the first time ever, were about to be separated by a lot more than 20 miles and for an indefinite amount of time. He was about to fly on a plane for the first time, I had never been on a plane, so I couldn't tell him not to be scared. He was about to go to a place where people were going to get in his face and scream at him. I didn't want anyone yelling at my son. I didn't share my fears because they may not have been his fears. I found out years later, they indeed were his fears but he didn't want to worry me if I hadn't thought about it. The little blue Toyota Echo, pulled into our driveway. A lump surfaced in my throat and my eyes were welling up and burning with tears. "Well, this is it Momma." There was a knock on our front door that radiated through out the whole home. It was a three part knock. BAM BAM BAM.  It was as if this man was knocking with a sledge hammer, or at least that's how my heart perceived it. My son opened the door, and a very tall, sharped dressed United States Navy Recruiter stepped inside. "These are for you ma'am", as he passed me two ceramic coffee mugs and a bumper stick that said Fly Navy. Seriously, the USN gets my son and I get two mugs and a bumper sticker? I don't even like bumper stickers! He looked at my son and said, "Ready?" In my head I shouted "THAT'S IT?" Is there no time for coffee, small talk, or questions?" With a very quick huggle and a kiss on top of my head, my son was one step behind him as they both walked out the door. I stood there, awestruck, in the doorway and watched these two 6'3" men squeeze into this tiny compact car. I place my hand on the cold glass of the storm door, my son rolled down his window and said, "Go in my room, and push play on my stereo, I love you Momma," he blew me a kiss and was gone. The coffee cups were not enough to hold the tears that were streaming down my face as Boyz 2 Men crooned, "A Song for Mama" followed up by Aerosmith's "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing." 

   Division 150 from Recruit Training Command,Great Lakes, IL graduated on April 21 2000 as an honor division. Due to earning that title they were afforded one extra day away from the base with family. We would now have a three day weekend with our son! Once we located our sailor, he surprised us with another honor he received while being there. He had been promoted to the rank of E2 which was not as easy feat. The three days were spent holed up in the hotel room, laughing and talking about the right of passage he had endured. Yes we paused long enough to go to the mall and walk about, eat at a few of his favorite places. Still the best times were just being together. We left on a Monday, the goodbye was a bit easier this time. We knew we would see him again soon possibly within eight to ten weeks upon completion of aviation school in Mississippi.

   His first leave was timed perfectly in June 2000, but just prior to that I was sitting at work one day when the phone rang. My son was on the other end and he was frantically telling me he was given fifteen minutes to make a decision that would impact the rest of his life, although we didn't know then how. He was going to be given the choice to be stationed at Willow Grove, PA or Fallon,NV and had to report to duty on July 3 2000. Seemed like our summer was going to involve travel one way or the other as our first hope of Brunswick ME was not offered. I remember him being so undecided about where to go. I wanted to scream through the phone choose closest to home! But my external mom voice relayed a very calm, "Son, this decision is not mine. The world is yours what do you want to see, where do you want to go?" Again, more back and forth, back and forth, when finally he said, "Fallon Nevada" "Sounds great! I've never been to Nevada to visit!" was all I could muster. Less than twenty four hours later, another call, "Momma, I chose The Grove, (the nickname for Willow Grove PA) I just wasn't ready to be all that far away from home. Hell, I have 20 more years in here to see Nevada. My first station, I want to be on the East Coast."  

   Pennsylvania is where he met and married his wife and together they have two of the most beautiful girls, of which, we would not have if he had chosen Nevada. These memories swirled around in my head like water in a blender as I read the excerpt of the email from our son. Look at the life he has lived, and the adventures he still faces for eight more years. The sense of pride we have being a military family. In part because this momma took a picture of him in a sailor suit on his first Christmas when he was just three months old. 

  A card I keep that he sent from Iraq, says, "Once upon a time I just wanted to see the world, now I would give the world just to see you."