Process Essay #1 I Do, I Did, I Don't

"Marriage, marriage is what brings us together today" -the Impressive Clergyman from the Princess Bride. Whoops stay on topic this is not an essay about the Princess Bride, although, one of my all time favorite movies. It's just every time I hear the word marriage I hear that silly little clergyman stating that line from the movie, ever so eloquently with his mouth full of cotton balls. Though I'm not a Princess by namesake it safe to say I've kissed my share of toads. I was even so silly as to married two of them and to quote one of my most favorite "Linisa-ism's" concerning marriage/divorce is "The number one leading cause of divorce is in fact, marriage."  Sadly, I can say I know a thing or three about marriage, and for my two failed marriages it seemed to involve three stages, the I Do stage, I Did stage, and the I Don't stage.

To explain the first stage of my experiences known as the I DO stage,  you should know,  I hung on every word this man child told me like it will be the last words I would ever hear. I believed every thing that came out of his mouth, even if I had to deceive my own heart of hearts to do so. My ears were deafened to the words of wisdom from my parents, friends, co-workers, all I could hear was his voice over and over. He intrigued me. Looking back on it all now, if my parents had not forbid me to see him I would have been over him on my own. I was falling for the rebel side of the idea of making my parents worry.  I found myself scrawling our names on any piece of paper I could doodle on. Then, with one felled swoop of the pen I wrote it down. I wrote my first name and his last name. I was going to marry this guy.  He played into it perfectly, just like the fox in the hen house. He turned himself into the victim and with my caregiver personality I said YES I do want to be your wife. I knew the I Do stage had been successful when I was walking down the aisle to kiss my toad. 

The I did, stage starts with the fairy tale not quite measuring up to my I Do stage expectations. Life gets involved and to the immature at heart I felt second to his job, when he had one, then his friends, and lastly his activities. It was the subtle small things at first that I missed. The sweet nothing that were once so desperately whispered in my ear  faded to black like the end of a movie. My friends became unusually absent from their normal involvement in my life and it's activities. I wont go out on weekends any longer, I will stay home while he goes out with the guys. Bad habits of alcohol for him turn into worse habits of drug use. I did choose this man, by doing so, this life is the result. Futile measure have me trying to change myself as if I'm the one that changed in the relationship. I attempt a workout routine, do some weird stuff to my hair, and may even try to wear clothing that isn't comfortable in any position, all to gain his attention back. But did I really want his type of attention anymore. Communication breaks down in ways I can't even talk about and turns to violence that now has left me broken inside and out.  Days of abuse turn into weeks, weeks turn into years, and years turn me into a shell of my former self. Feelings of silliness give way to worthlessness and it washes over me like water cascading from the fountain of youth I long to return to. I'm about to enter a stage of no return in my marriage, someone that pays attention to me steps in and here I am in my I did stage. Wondering, is there a future with him?

The "I don't" stage begins with me facing with the reality of divorce. I manage to utter, I don't love you any more. I don't deserve to be treated this way. I don't like the person you've have become. He fires back with a lame response, I don't know what your problem is. I don't know why you think I'm acting any different. I've acted this way for years. With bowed head and closed eyes, I softly whisper I don't want to be married to you any longer. The last thing I remember him saying was I don't want to live without you and then a gun shot. I awoke in my bed alone, again. I was dripping in sweat, my heart was racing so fast I couldn't count my pulse. He wasn't home yet and I needed to get out of the house before he arrived. I opened my night stand, found some old paper and looked for a blank page. There starring me in the face was my handwriting where years earlier I had written our names, my married name and the date we married. It took my breath away, but I knew this would be perfect ending. I turned it over and wrote the following: This is what I wrote before I said I do, the years of trying with you is my effort and is what I did, and as of today's date I'm all done and I don't want to be married any to you any longer. 

I can tell you after going through this not once but twice before I turned thirty five I was very hesitant as an adult to remarry for a third time. I can tell you I took some time to get to know me. I'm a pretty cool person. I have a personality, that when allowed to shine, shines with the brightest of them! I am capable of being anything I want to be by myself.  I met and fell in love for real in February 2002. I do, I proudly promised in Aug 2004 because I did find the man of my dreams, after my line of toads and I don't ever intend on losing him. 

Reaction to first timed essay graf#19

I struggled on which two of our three dogs to write about. I decided I would go with the oldest and youngest. They also seem to have the most diverse personalities. In any case, I'm excited my essay was accepted and I can move on to the next. The one issue I have is trying to out think the teacher, and I must admit either he senses it and goes in the opposite direction each time anticipating my motive, or it's just bad luck on my part. I am talking about how I started graf's 2 and 3 with the word, Gracie. Then, when I started graf 4 I said to myself, I bet he will critique me for starting every paragraph with Gracie, I better change it up at least once and start this paragraph with Oscar, (you know for contrast) and wouldn't you know it, it was clearly not the choice I should have made. This ranks right up there with changing your answer on a test. All in a days writing though, it left me smiling.

#1 Timed Constrast Essay the personality differences in two animals you know.

   In my life I have never had a time for nor want animals. I was bitten by a neighborhood dog when I was about nine on the forearm. I never had any real interest in dogs from that point forward. I was a mom at such a young age I had enough on my plate without taking care of animals as well. Growing up we had three kittens, one for each one of us, two of the kittens died about two weeks after we got them and the other lived to a ripe old age and just left home one day some eight years later. I raised both of my children without having a pet, minus the occasional goldfish that usually ended up in the non fish tank. How on earth did I end up with three dogs, at this stage in my life, on top of having no children at home? This is still a mystery to me.

   Let me introduce you to two of our dogs, Gracie and Oscar. I can tell you that while Gracie is our only female Maltepoo, she was born weighing 5/8 of an ounce. The breeder said she was the runt of the litter and would probably not get very big. We paid 800.00 for Gracie, that is about 1280.00 per ounce.  Oscar, on the other hand, was born into a litter about a year and half later weighing 1.5 ounces and was the dog left behind that no one wanted from a litter. He weighed 5 pounds when we brought him home at 4 months old and because of his age we only paid 200.00 for him! He has become the little pup that no one wanted and I love him dearly. Besides, he was a steal compared to the mighty,mouthy one that currently was residing with us.

   Gracie came to live with us on Mother's Day. She was originally a gift for me but this little 2 pound ball of white fur, nestled herself very quickly into my husband's heart. I am the only female in my home, I don't share my husband's affection with anyone else in our home. I want you to know this bitch knows how to push my buttons. Apparently we are both alpha females. It's a constant struggle to prove to her, she is not in charge, nor are my rules open for the popular vote. For instance when I tell her not to get on the couch and she looks at my husband to get his opinion in the matter. It takes a rolled up paper across her backside to get off the couch. But I digress, we do have our moments of mommy and pup-dog time, just not when dad is around. My Oscar, on the other hand, who came to live with us at Christmas time, is a very passive little pup. He is not interested in being in control, he just wants to exist in his little bed, eat when we eat dinner, and get a treat now and then. He is very grateful for just having a home with a family that loves him finally. We have affectionately called him Prince Valium for almost his entire life with us. Recently, whenever this quiet stoutly one lets out an alert bark, Gracie is quick to run over and hump his head into submission. I'm not impressed!


    Oscar doesn't like exercise, he cowers whenever his leash is brought out. I know he looks at it as a form of punishment. I'm not sure if it's because he is too fat to walk or he really is just that lazy. He just refuses to walk on a leash. If you could see him you would understand why. He weighs a whopping twelve pounds now and his legs are only about four inches long from tip to stern. Gracie is a ninja ballerina on her leash, she has a way of walking on her leash and everyone else's as she fights to be in the lead of the pack. He hair blows back and her tongue hangs out as we walk down the quiet country road. Amidst the quietness all you can hear is her panting from constantly trying to stay in the lead. She loves to travel whether it be on foot or in the car, an event that leaves Oscar puking quietly in the back of my Yukon.

    I love my dogs, all of them. As I said in the beginning I haven't quite figured out how in the quiet years of my life alone with my husband we ended with three but there is talk of a fourth. I can tell you even though the price is high, they do live to be 18 years old or so. So in the end we will have gotten our money's worth. But know this, if I have my way, and I usually do, if we do get another dog, we will have another female to balance out our home and perhaps keep Gracie's rear-end in check!

  

Cash verses Credit Contrast Essay #1

   Cash or Credit. It used to be a staple in the customer service conversation at registers. I remember well groaning internally when a customer wanted to pay with Master Charge or Visa. They were the two most common credit cards for Ames Department Store where I worked. The credit card device was heavy and awkward and the tissue paper would turn my fingers black. It was also one of the deciding factors in my life of choosing to never use a credit card. It's so much easier to just pay with cash. I was not going to inconvenience my cashier with a credit card. Obviously technology won out and today within my own business the machines to process a credit card are as easy as my I-phone and a credit card reader device. I most likely have the money in my back account before they leave the store. However I still don't use credit cards for my own personal transactions

As far as privacy is concerned, cash has to be far superior. 

   Let’s just say I’m a twenty dollar bill you have in your pocket. You can pull me out and look at me see that I was hot off the printing press in 2010 in Philadelphia. But you can’t tell my history as a twenty dollar bill. You don’t know what transaction’s I have been a part of, legal or illegal. You don’t know how many ten year olds I made happy as I fell out of a birthday card. You don’t know how many people had to hand me over as part of the rent money. You don’t even know the countless times I have been passed off as unreported income. But, let’s say I am a credit card in your wallet, you have been a member since 1997, with one search on your computer, you have access to multiple statements of my activity for the last twelve months or sometimes longer. You think this information is secure online, encrypted in all your passwords, but who is at American Express that also has access to your account? Sure they may say privacy screens them from seeing your activity in its entirety but commit a crime and go on the run with me, the police will pin point your next move before you do! It’s all semi private until someone WANTS to find you, then you are as plain as the nose on your face.

   Speaking of being responsible, tell me how responsible can you be with a credit card? Are you one of those people that can pay for everything to run your home on in one month and pay the balance off in the next month? Have you never found yourself even slightly tempted to pay the minimum and use the cash for something extravagant? I say nay nay. If you are responsible with a credit card you can be equally responsible with cash and you will eliminate the temptation of not paying off your debt in the thirty day interest free (should you qualify) time frame. Credit is empowering it and power can be dangerous. Impulsive purchasing will put you in chains of bondage you may not escape from. I suppose I should add here being responsible with a credit card also means being able to not lose it. If you lose a credit card today, you can stand to lose a lot of credit before it is shut off by the provider. If you a twenty dollar bill. You’ve just lost a twenty dollar bill. 

   Finally I can’t talk about credit cards vs cash without bringing up everyone’s favorite answer when asked why they need a credit card. The number one answer I hear from people, is convenience of booking  reservations for flights, hotels, or cars. Let me assure you can most certainly book reservations without a credit card. Here’s how, in order to even have a credit card you, at one point in your life, had to have a paying job. It would only make sense then that anyone without a credit card and a paying job has no reason in the world that they can’t have an emergency fund in the bank. Such a fund could even be built with the interest alone saved from not having a credit card.  You can attach a debit card directly to your emergency fund account where your responsible cash lives, for making, paid in full reservations for vacations and out of town amenities such as flights, hotels, and cars. Don’t try and tell me that you have a credit card for ease of use. You have a credit card because you don’t have the cash all at once to back up your large transaction. 

   I'm afraid this credit generation doesn't know what it's like to have a couple of "Benjamins" in their pocket that belongs to just them. They have no idea how to scrape and save to earn what they want. They probably don't respect what they do have for belongings because they acquired it so easily, if they don't take care of it, they can just get another one.  In my life, I have worked I have saved and I have lived without credit. I'm not so sure that my credit rating isn't a zero. I don't know many people like me. I drive a 2006 but it's mine and no one can ever repossess it. I have two homes one I rent out and one I live in. I believe the Lord trusts those that are good stewards with money, with more. I do render unto Caesar, but I will give my cash away to missionaries before give an extra penny to the government in taxes. Cash or credit you say? It will be cash every time with me.

Annotated Source List

"How To Bake Bread." How To Make Homemade Bread At Home. N.p., n.d. Web. 18 Oct. 2012. <http://www.reluctantgourmet.com/bread_making.htm>.
website from a novice chef who gives a lot a tips on technique. He also has great ideas on basic bread recipes. 

Cunningham, Marion, and Fannie Merritt Farmer. The Fannie Farmer Baking Book. New York: Knopf, 1984. Print.
a book for the generations of bakers who need a quick guide to the best used practices used in cooking.


West, Deanna. Personal Interview. 9 Sept. 2012
my very special aunt who is able to reproduce my grandmothers bread. She is a great teacher and needs a better student.

Graf #18 isearch progress report

Honestly, I haven't made that much progress on paper. I have tried two recipes for making bread. One made the birds very happy that day and the other made a great stuffing. I'm just not sure that I am going to be able to make the perfect loaf, but perhaps this isn't what this assignment is suppose to teach me. I know the lead in for an isearch paper was "I always wanted to know", and I filled in "how to make bread". Luck for me, I didn't say I it had to be eatable. I will continue to perfect my craft, whether it is making a successful bread or just writing about it.

Contrast Essay Draft

Cash or Credit. It used to be a staple in the customer service conversation at registers. I remember well groaning internally when a customer wanted to pay with Master Charge or Visa. They were the two most common credit cards for Ames Department Store where I worked. The credit card device was heavy and awkward and the tissue paper would turn my fingers black. It was also one of the deciding factors in my life of choosing to never use a credit card. It's so much easier to just pay with cash. I was not going to inconvenience my cashier with a credit card.Obviously technology won out and today within my own business the machines to process a credit card are as easy as my I-phone and a credit card reader device. I most likely have the money in my back account before they leave the store. However I still don't use credit cards for my own personal transactions.

Cash has it's advantages. You can spend the amount you have and when it's gone it's gone. Until recently I wasn't able to wash my car or use a vending machine unless I had cash. I have strict policy never to take more the 120.00 to the grocery store with me. This way I have to make wise decisions with our food budget for the week. If I am getting gas, I usually have to prepay inside and never go over by a penny. Truly that is a gas credit users can't play and win, classic over squeeze always happens. Only after grocery shopping is done and if there is money left over do we eat out. You can imagine we don't eat out alot in one week but we do save the left over grocery money to eat out periodically. I like cash because it is tangible you either have it or you don't. Another fascinating feature of cash, if I lose it  I only stand to lose the amount I have lost, not the amount I have available. A blonde downside to cash is I don't have to lose it, I can shred it. I received two very crisp one hundred dollar bills one year for my birthday. I was busy opening the mail and not paying attention to the shred pile and the keep pile. I shredded my birthday money and could not get a "do over" out of my dad. Everyone may take cash but in that instances a check would have been so much easier! I enjoy the freedom of not everyone knowing how much cash we have at any one time.I feel that we are in control of our finances and not some big bank.

 Credit is empowering it and power can be dangerous. My husband had a life before me and it was steeped in credit. He was the totally opposite of what we are now. He never had cash. He tells me credit let him buy things that he had no business buying. If he didn't have enough credit he called for an extension. Credit allowed him the freedom to purchase big ticket items that he couldn't afford. At one time he had three trucks and just as many payments! I laugh at that because he could only drive one at a time. When I asked him what he was doing with three trucks at once he remarked, "The bank said yes". Impulsive purchasing is a definite downside of credit. It controlled him he was not in control of his credit. He would take extravagant vacations, purchase jewelry for his mom, and made these mindless decisions that he could buy affections for those he loved the most by charging it.  It took us a very long time to pay off all his debit when we married. You better believe privacy was non-existent with creditors, they kept an eye on him like a hawk. I can't say he fought me too hard when we met about giving up the credit. The toughest part was learning that we could walk out of a store without buying anything. It all made sense to him when I showed him how to live off the grid as far as credit is concerned.

I'm afraid this credit generation doesn't know what it's like to have a couple of "Benjamins" in their pocket that belong to just them. They have no idea how to scrape and save to earn what they want. They probably don't respect what they do have for belongings because they acquired it so easily, if they don't take care of it, they can just get another one.  In my life, I have worked I have saved and I have lived with out credit. I'm not so sure that my credit rating isn't a zero. I don't know many people like me. I drive a 2006 but it's mine and no one can ever repossess it. I have a two homes one I rent out and one I live in. I believe the Lord trusts those that are good stewards with money, with more. I do render unto Caesar, but I will give my cash away to missionaries before give an extra penny to the government in taxes. Cash or credit you say? It will be cash every time with me.

Classification Essay My LIfe Without Veg-Canned, Frozen, or Fresh

I don't like vegetables, it is my least favorite food category. I blame my dislike for veg on my parents who made me eat them when I was younger. They would stack them on top of each other, boil them together, mash them, and serve them up like some prize winner dessert. I would always save them for last and never found a vegetable that I couldn't live without. As a matter of fact, the Sunday dinner staples was boiled dinner, all the vegetables in the pot with a corned beef. When it was served everything tasted like cabbage. Cabbage speaks to my gag reflexs and knows how to make it sing.

As I was bringing up my children, I knew my distaste for vegetables should remain my own. I wanted my children to form their own opinions of vegetables. So to not influence them, I became "allergic" to vegetables. I didn't even know how to cook or season them properly to make them taste appetizing. I do remember we didn't have a lot of money and the cheapest way to buy vegetables were in a can. As we became more established we would buy frozen veg, and finally right before they left home we discovered farm stands were a wonderful way to get fresh vegetables and my children seemed to love them!

Can vegetables have a lot of water and I remember I would dump it out and add my own. This was my attempt and making them healthier for my children. Surely the water in the can was processed with salt and by products that I wouldn't want them eating. I would rinse them off and place them in a small pan and heat with water. My children would eat them but I never got rave reviews. As long as they were eating them I thought I had it figured out!

Along about the time that the preteen years were hitting, my children started voicing their opinions about their meals in a pre-adult manner. They gently let me know that can vegetables tasted like the can.  We discovered that frozen vegetables came in more varieties and could be steamed rather than boiled and you didn't have to use the entire bag once it was opened. Money saving option, I'll take it. My daughter especially liked broccoli, she had it at a friends house. It wasn't available in a can. One of her favorite meals was rice with broccoli and cheese over it. Frozen vegetables became the new hit in our home. New varieties of vegetables were tried by both of them and one remark was "they are almost like Grampie made".

My dad had seven gardens or more when I was growing up. You can imagine when he found out that we were eating frozen vegetables instead of buying fresh he wasn't long in pointing out that fresh produce was much healthier than anything I could buy in a groceries freezer department. I explained I just didn't have an interest in fresh, they took a long time to cook and the preparation time was too much for my thirty minute or less dinner schedule. My children were old enough now to cook themselves and wanted to try Grampie's garden vegetables instead of frozen. Fresh produce became the new vegetable love in our home. My children would go to the grocery store and peruse the vegetable department like it was a NIKE store. They picked them up, they squeezed them, smelled them, and they bought them. They learned to bake zucchini, stuff eggplant, and whip squash, they made sweet potato pie, and corn chowder.

I lost 65 pounds and not from eating vegetables either but because I wasn't doing the cooking and therefore not eating as much. Both of my children are very good cooks to this day! As for my four granddaughters, they wonder why at Thanksgiving that Gam only eats turkey with a roll and some gravy, I find I have started telling them as well, "Oh, Gam is allergic to vegetables, but you eat up they're good for you!"

Intro #1 Classification Essay My LIfe Without Veg-Canned, Frozen, or Fresh

I don't like vegetables, it is my least favorite food category. I blame my dislike for veg on my parents who made me eat them when I was younger. They would stack them on top of each other, boil them together, mash them, and serve them up like some prize winner dessert. I would always save them for last and never found a vegetable that I couldn't live without. As a matter of fact, the Sunday dinner staples was boiled dinner, all the vegetables in the pot with a corned beef. When it was served everything tasted like cabbage. Cabbage speaks to my gag reflex and knows how to make it sing.

Outro Classification Essay My LIfe Without Veg-Canned, Frozen, or Fresh

My dad had seven gardens or more when I was growing up. You can imagine when he found out that we were eating frozen vegetables instead of buying fresh he wasn't long in pointing out that fresh produce was much healthier than anything I could buy in a groceries freezer department. I explained I just didn't have an interest in fresh, they took a long time to cook and the preparation time was too much for my thirty minute or less dinner schedule. My children were old enough now to cook themselves and wanted to try Grampie's garden vegetables instead of frozen. Fresh produce became the new vegetable love in our home. My children would go to the grocery store and peruse the vegetable department like it was a NIKE store. They picked them up, they squeezed them, smelled them, and they bought them. They learned to bake zucchini, stuff eggplant, and whip squash, they made sweet potato pie, and corn chowder.

Intro #2 Classification Essay My LIfe Without Veg-Canned, Frozen, or Fresh

As I was bringing up my children, I knew my distaste for vegetables should remain my own. I wanted my children to form their own opinions of vegetables. So to not influence them, I became "allergic" to vegetables. I didn't even know how to cook or season them properly to make them taste appetizing. I do remember we didn't have a lot of money and the cheapest way to buy vegetables were in a can. As we became more established we would buy frozen veg, and finally right before they left home we discovered farm stands were a wonderful way to get fresh vegetables and my children seemed to love them!

Graf# 17 Reaction to comments on my cause essay

"As I said, this needed to be written. You are dealing with cause and effect all right, but in the unconsciously competent way that a mature writer does, not in the mechanical and arbitrary way of the student writer.

So, I'm happy to take this as your cause essay, finished and done. You will have ten more chances to grapple with the formula!"  -John Goldfine

I know this has to be a paragraph, and I may take a zero on this one. But my reaction can be summed up in one word. Humbled. Am I willing to stop there? Oh that I could! It would be a perfect writing in my mind. A one worded response from the person who lives and speaks the short version to everything. However, this assignment will be read by the person in charge of my grade. I should throw a few more sentences in here to make it official. Even though I did look up the structure of a paragraph to see if it could be two-three sentences. My reaction hasn't changed, but desire to conform, perhaps has changed, in the end, I believe I still could have just stayed with writing, as I am, humbled. 

Graf #16 Reaction to "Snakes and snails and puppy dog tails" classification essay

I'm going to go with our knowledgeable instructor on this one, I am not going to write my classification essay on people, especially those I have been married to. I don't believe the author of "Snips, snails, and puppy dog tails" eluded to being married to these men, but she certainly could relate. I could very easily, after all I have been married three times. Three seems to be the magic number in this assignment. However, this is a public blog and as mother always said, "When there is nothing good to say, silence is a good sentence to speak." As for me, I think this is going to be an awesome essay to write! I'm very excited to find three objects to classify. I live in a natural state of "OCDedness" my children have shared with me I have CDO instead of OCD because it is alphabetized and that is way it should be. I love putting things into categories. With that being said, I'm off to classify something. Peace, out!