I love my Yukon all 199 inches of it. It's white, it's sporty, it's safe and it's mine. It even has a nickname, Cornelius, as in Yukon Cornelius from the movie Rudolph and the Misfit Toys. I'm not ashamed to admit I have a passion concerning my truck. So tell me why oh why would I want to drive it on the roads in Downeast Maine? Can they even be classified as roads? Im pretty sure during the past five years the roads have reeked havoic on my truck.
My new truck had brand new tires on it. The tires were so new the whiskers were still on the tires. I'm driving to work in a snowstorm in four wheel drive. I'm feeling safe and a little confident. The new car smell had barely worn off when suddenly without warning the front of my truck felt as if someone was pulling into the ditch. I couldn't imagine what was happening. I slowed to the side of the road and sure enough I had a flat tire. A flat tire on a brand new truck! How does that happen? A nail was found to be the culprit a one and a quarter inch galvanized roofing nail. Not impressed.
My not so new truck with the not so new plugged tire, is tooling down the road on fine spring morning on my way to work. A black hole presents it's self in my distance line of site, wait a black hole? What is that? Before I could think swerve BANG! I hit it! I thought sure my bottom jaw wouldn't stop stuttering from the force of my teeth being slammed together. My cream colored coffee was on the gray ceiling and my truck didn't want to stop shimming. The rest of my ride to work my truck shook harder than a James Bond martini. One set of front end ball joints later my truck was running smooth again.
My not so new truck with the not so new plugged tire, complete with a new set of front end ball joints and the cream colored coffee stain on the ceiling was without incident for the next three years. Then one day just like something off the pages of Murphy's Law I stepped on my brakes to slow down going around a corner and the peddle went to the floor board. So this is why we have bumpers on the front of vehicles, so when we no longer have brakes in emergency situations we can slowly come to a stop by gently nudging the poles on the side of the road. I always wondered what safety purpose the poles served. I would like to personally thank the Maine Department of Transportation for using the liquid salt slurry on the roads to protect me from icy roads. Unfortunately it also eats your brake lines and I just can't see using the salty mess as a safety measure.
So there you have it, my not so new truck with the not so new plugged tire, complete with a new set of front end ball joints and the creme colored coffee stain on the gray ceiling with new brakes, is all geared up for more fun adventures on the Maine highways and roads or as we like to refer to them as, the salty nail beds full of black holes. Poor Cornelius will he ever be safe on the roads?
So there you have it, my not so new truck with the not so new plugged tire, complete with a new set of front end ball joints and the creme colored coffee stain on the gray ceiling with new brakes, is all geared up for more fun adventures on the Maine highways and roads or as we like to refer to them as, the salty nail beds full of black holes.
ReplyDeleteThat's pretty humorous, like one of those kids' songs adding a new item to the list as they go along, verse to verse. Nice.
In fact, the whole piece is tight, funny, structured, detailed, has a real voice--everything to praise, nothing for an English teacher to gripe about. Which is fine with me.